Hiding In Plain Sight

By Sasha Kerdel and Sally Holliday

Could Coronavirus be hiding a gift in plain sight?

The impacts of Covid-19 have been felt around the globe. Though the virus has affected people’s lives in myriad ways, my own reaction to the pandemic might come as a surprise.

Let me explain. I have two chronic illnesses and take a small dose of immuno-suppressant medication. As a member of the immuno-compromised ‘community’ at increased risk, I had every reason to be fearful of Covid-19. But when the virus loomed and restrictions intensified, I didn’t experience any of the anxieties felt by those around me. Instead, what I felt was an overwhelming wave of relief.

Why relief? My ‘normal’ life involves pushing beyond my limited energy levels. For years my fatigue was so bad that most days I couldn’t get out of bed until 4 pm or after. I didn’t have the ability to study, work, or socialize. I already knew what it was to feel isolated. I got used to putting my life on hold and living with the uncertainty of not being able to plan ahead. Days, weeks, months, and years have slipped by so quickly without seeming to make progress on things that are important to me. I constantly feel burnt-out and like I don’t have a good enough reason to be. My resilience is tired. So when lock-downs began, working hours were reduced, everyone was told to stay home, and the world slowed down, one of the things I felt was relief. Suddenly limitations, restrictions and disruptions to people’s quality of life were experienced the world over. In a way, coronavirus had levelled the playing field. It gave me a break from carrying the constant shame and disappointment in myself for not being able to keep up.

However, let’s not confuse relief with comfort. I have seen numerous memes online making light of the lock-down situation, saying: “I’ve been in training for this my whole life!” But jokes aside, for people feeling isolated and restricted prior to this pandemic, their struggle is very real and will not simply abate when this crisis is over.

You might be thinking, this isn’t my story so why should I care? Have you ever had a friend, family member, or colleague seem to drop off the face of the earth or change from the person you formerly knew; only to find that they’d been stuck at home fighting their own battles. There’s always so much more to the story than someone not being sociable. When confronted with someone else’s difficult situation they can’t relate to, people tend to jump into problem-solving mode or ignore it. There’s a recurrent pattern of deflection, distraction, diversion, or suppression of uncomfortable feelings. However, in recent weeks we’ve experienced mutual discomfort. Stress, anxiety, sadness, grief, fear, fatigue. They’re all valid emotions. Take a moment to feel how hard this has been for you. Then take a moment to appreciate that for some people these struggles are a part of their everyday lives (for reasons other than coronavirus). That empathy is what we need to tap into. Hunting for a quick- fix means we often miss the opportunity to exercise our empathy muscles and connect. Sometimes people aren’t seeking a solution to their problems, but they do need to feel heard, supported, and validated.

I wanted to write this weeks ago, but I was so tired. Now the rhythm appears to be shifting again. I’m afraid I’ll miss the opportunity for my perspective to be heard while the world is hushed. The easing of restrictions marks an imminent return to busy-ness. This is what makes me really anxious. Right now I am so scared of life defaulting back to ‘normal’ when this shared challenge is over. I am scared of falling back into the old unhealthy pace, scared I’ll lose the battle to keep up, and especially scared our collective capacity for relating in this potent way will evaporate. I don’t want us to lose the evolved ways of connecting that this pandemic has created.

In the face of global isolation and social distancing, we are learning how to be a better community. Coronavirus has provided a glimpse into what it’s like to fight invisible battles, against invisible forces, and to have invisible limitations imposed upon us. This virus is teaching us valuable lessons about empathy. I am desperately afraid that people will forget what this is like.

So, I’m asking you:

Can we draw upon our recent lived-experience to strengthen our capacity to cultivate, practice, and embody empathy moving forward?

Can we continue to exercise compassion and understanding to validate lives like mine and so many others, who won’t necessarily be celebrating a return to ‘normalcy?’

How can this positively affect our support networks and systems?

Can we use this as an opportunity to create a better normal?

#empathyrevolution #abetternormal